Finding My Colours
I cracked the novel! Finally, after three weeks of periodically getting it out and putting it back untouched (I do suffer from some extreme blank page paralysis) I finally wrote some! It feels really good to have messed up that pristine empty first page. After so long trying to muster up the courage to try writing that story again, I am elated. Admittedly, I only wrote 300 words but that’s more than I have added to the novel in years.
Something that tends to happen to any of us on a creative path: we wait to be better. I feel I may have spent the last 10 years waiting, maybe even still waiting a bit now. When I get better at photography then I will start a business, when I learn metallurgy then I can sell my jewellery, When I start cooking fancy meals then I can host those dinner parties I enjoy, when I get better at playing piano then I will let others hear it (I am still doing this one, only the closest people to me have heard me play with abandon, most people wouldn’t have a clue that I can play). I end up in a situation where I wait instead of doing. Hindsight is teaching me that all the time I was holding back till I got better I was denying myself the fun of actually doing these things. I could at least be as kind to myself as I would be to... literally anyone else! For instance, I can draw a thing, and have it recognised as that thing. I wouldn’t look at someone else’s work knowing they are trying to draw a cat, see a cat and think “not good enough”. For what I want to do (enjoy learning a skill and make a few things along the way I am proud of) I am a good enough artist. I thoroughly enjoy other people’s cooking; I have said many times “The best seasoning a meal can have is to not cook it yourself”. Even if that is all that brings flavour to my food, I can cook food that will be enjoyed and doesn’t poison people – I am a good enough cook. I can write words that amuse, entertain or enlighten people (if only evidenced by the fact you are reading this) – I am a good enough writer. Its time I started painting myself with the same brush as everyone else. Many people (I included) struggle to start without assurances of obtaining fame, fortune, mastery or perfection. How many times have you heard stories of people who were super into a sport, an art, a skill, that gave up on it when they realised that they are unlikely to make money or a career of it? Do I need to reach perfection to legitimise my enjoyment of a task? What happened to the childlike play for the sake of it? The messy, bright, unpolished joy of creation just cause. Shunryu Suzukiroshi says “We are all perfect with room for improvement.” I may never be reach fame, fortune or perfection, I may never be counted amongst the greats but that’s not what I am aiming for (not yet anyways). I am already perfect for what I want to do - improve.
The question I should be asking myself isn’t am I good enough but rather do I enjoy it? I really do. This fact alone is worthy enough for me to do them. I have spent more money on sillier things to end up enjoying myself for shorter amounts of time than doing any of the activities on this challenge. I used to (used to being only weeks ago before this challenge took up my spare moments) spend so much time watching other exciting lives through television, playing computer games, reading news-feeds - watching other people enjoy their lives and not fully enjoying my own. I think creativity is a conversation. There is the listening and then there is speaking. I love a good story, watching TV helped scratch that storytelling itch, but it’s not much of a creative conversation if I don’t say anything back. This is the same for the art gallery nearby that I know more intimately than my own apartment block, the playlists of super talented classical pianists I have on Spotify, the three shelves of cookbooks on my bookcase that have mostly been uncooked. The places and activities I like to spend most of my free time have been one sided conversation. I collect, observe, consume other peoples’ art and creativity and now I feel I am finally saying something back.
THE RUNDOWN
Art - Two new pieces, a pen based ‘hieroglyphs’ of the things I used each day and a watercolour painting that may even now still be drying. Note to self: good quality sketching paper is not good quality water paints paper - may have suffered bleed through from both images onto each other (4/100 pieces)
Writing - So happy to have made a start on the novel, I do find myself fact checking my words to the point of disruption as its set 400 years ago (Novel: 300 (squee!), Blog: 2,745 words)
Cooking - Traditional tabbouleh with India style flatbread and toasted spice hummus. (9/285 recipes)
Music - Yes, it’s happening, no, I am not yet brave enough to video my practice anyway as some of you suggested (4/100 hours)
Photography - Using the rule of thirds to demonstrate motion - Balsamic glaze dripping of a strawberry along the third lines. (2/52 weeks)
Craft - I tried origami today, two patterns I had never done before. One normal one-sided large origami paper, the other I had painted as practice for a watercolour wash. (2/100 days)